As the only daughter of two estranged German Jewish immigrants, whose mother stood by and watched her own distraught mother attempt to take her own life, soon after their arrival in N.Y.C. Is it any wonder that I followed my mother’s adolesent sudden descent into madness?

Grandmother, mother and daughter…. three generations of Manic-Depression; my two brothers and half brother free of any psychosocial malady.

When depressed, which is an unpredictable but inevitable and frequent, often protracted occurrence, I curse the day I was born…A mistake which my parents made in an attempt to save a doomed marriage… They divorced five years later, causing me the anguish of losing my native home and more importantly my beloved father and soon after my equally beloved elder brother.

I was left with a crazy mother who depended on her children for the rest of her life, while always doing her best to care for them and herself.

Three and a half years after my mother finally killed herself at the age of 86, having decided that 73 years of suffering from Manic-Depression was long enough…. she simply decided to stop taking all medication and determinedly refused all food and drink. I arrived 2 hours before her death, three weeks later. I will always regret not arriving in time to attempt to dissuade her, just by reminding her of my love boundless for her and of my two brothers and three grandchildren who she would be leaving behind.
I wasn’t ready to lose my mother; sadly, I have no children of my own, although I was pregnant five times in all.
During my very recent last depression, I swore that I could not bear another loss… The prospect of my dog threatening no more than another few precious weeks/months was simply more than I could bear!
 

When not hideously depressed, I love and embrace life
I LIVE FOR COLOUR, LIGHT MOVEMENT AND MUSIC.
I LOVE MY FAMILY, PEOPLE, ANIMALS AND FOOD

WHEN DEPRESSED, EVERYTHING DEPRESSES ME.
I HAVE DIFFICULTY DOING THE SIMPLEST OF THINGS.
WORST OF ALL, I LOSE ALL ABILITY TO CREATE ANYTHING
I BECOME A PRISONER OF MY OWN HOME … MY REFUGE BECOMES A BARRICADE .